Humor
by Kurapika Kuroro
Summary: This is a repository of humorous I hope  one-shots and the stories here may or may not be related to stories I've published.


**TITLE: HUMOR**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own anything in this story. Anything and everything, except the plot and our original characters, belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi. This one-shot isn't related to any of my stories.

**WARNINGS: **Please do not expect the characters or the events to be similar with that in the original Manga and/or Anime. Male Kurapika and a provocative Kuroro, prepare for OOC-ness.

-oOo-

Heavy rain drops crashed violently on the earth. Kuroro watched the rain inside the car where he was taken by his captor. 'My captor,' he smiled, and then he turned to see the brunette. Lithe body, porcelain skin, beautiful face – and of course the eyes –, Kuroro enumerated wonderful adjectives to describe his captor. 'Beautiful lady,' the ryodan head was to say, but then as he scrutinized the chain user, there was something wrong on how the woman looked. The hair appeared very unnatural,_ and yes the chains, _the man remarked inwardly. Those powerful chains and the strength that those hands and arms were attached to, this woman; the chain user was a threat to ryodan's existence.

The woman seemed to notice that she was being scrutinized as she uttered a question.

"What are you looking at?"

'Ever jittery with my presence aren't you?' He managed to restrain the words from coming out and formulated a not so connected statement instead.

"I never thought that the one we are looking for is a woman." Kuroro delivered coldly.

"I didn't remember telling you that -…" And the woman removed her wig then wiped her lipstick off.

In Kuroro's opinion, taking the wig and the lipstick off did not clarify anything. The blonde hair, did suite the woman well, and the lips was not an issue either, sure it was not glossy and bright pink tinted, but it was still, pale pink. This opinion was falsified as the woman continued.

"Don't rely on appearances." The blond stated.

Logically, this meant that the chain user never mentioned his gender, which what he thought a moment ago was female. Well, no one could blame Kuroro, because the boy looked like a girl, a girly girl, with the emphasis on the word GIRLY. And that point, would go to the 'don't rely on appearances' phrase.

Kuroro wanted to nod in understanding and wondered how old the chain user was, until a thought struck him.

He managed to have a cryptic smile on his face as this thought rammed so amusingly in his mind.

"I apologize; please don't take me as someone who discriminates people like you." The man started with his tone in full implication of mockery.

"WHAT?" The boy this time had to look at the man's face. The blond was indignant.

"I understand." Kuroro wore a miniscule frown, as if he was trying not to feel anything for the blond but he couldn't. He believed that he could pull it off, and with great confidence, he looked directly at those crimson eyes.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE REALISED THAT FIVE YEARS AGO!" The boy almost screamed.

"No, you don't understand." Kuroro closed his eyes, pretending that it was his responsibility to explain.

And as he opened his eyes, he continued.

"I perfectly know what you feel and I don't have to realize it five years ago. I know and understand it since the day I knew that I was like you." The raven-haired man tried to sound sincere, but his voice betrayed any emotion, and it sounded like a bland statement.

For a few seconds the blond was taken aback. _I was like you_, he tried to comprehend what the ryodan head meant. The questions cluttered his mind. Is he also a kuruta? Or was he referring to his thirst for revenge?

"What?" The boy asked in a mildly astounded voice.

Kuroro nodded a little. Whatever plans the boy had in mind, Kuroro was sure that what he was doing had distracted the blond.

"What do you mean?" The blond asked again.

"I'm like you, a gay." Kuroro's response has shocked Kurapika.

"I'm not a gay…" Kurapika who was dangerously calm had stated.

"I know, you have to accept it, I understand what you're going through. But then…Oh, you're a girl after all." Kuroro claimed.

"What makes you think that I am a gay? And what are you saying? Are you a GAY too?"

The blond ignored the 'girl' part and fumed at the raven-haired man.

Kuroro thought that using the word 'too' definitely gave the boy away.

"Let's just say, that it takes one to know one." He deadpanned.

A punch.

"You BASTARD!" The blond seethed.

"Kurapika! He's provoking you!" The driver of the car stopped the blond.

"Who are you?" The chain user asked to Kuroro.

"I am the spider." Kuroro's response was automatic.

"What do you have to do with the scarlet eyes five years ago?" The blond rasped.

This was not the question and answer portion in a beauty contest, yes? This thought, for Kuroro was very random, did the chains have suddenly had this brain rotting effect? Or maybe he did not want to answer the question.

"What was the last statement my comrade told you before you killed him?" And so, he just made another question for the boy to ponder. Let the ball passed to the blond, he was a boy to play after all.

"I don't remember."

"Then, I have nothing to say to you…." Kuroro deadpanned and decided to add, "…bitch." This made a smile on his lips. Kuroro would enjoy this night after all.

"You!" The boy snarled and his eyes were creepier than before.

Kuroro had just started to mentally note the ugly points an enraged blond has as he felt that his tooth was about to leave its family members from his mouth.

-oOo-

Kurapika had made a call for the ryodan and he had directed his orders on the exchange of the hostages. He sighed. Let his friends be safe please. And then he blinked, darn, he needed patience, just more time for his friends, and speaking of patience how on earth was he going to be patient with Kuroro!

He was irked when people asked him random questions, remarked that he looked like a girl, or that he should let go of the anger and move on. No one has ever made him so hyperventilated as this man beside him. Being the mastermind of his clan's massacre was a given, but curse all things beautiful when the man commented that Kurapika is a GAY!

"For a gay, you certainly looked more of an uke, you can't blame me for you look like a girl."

Kurapika stared at the man who sat complacently on the edge of the bed, which happened to be the room where the blond chose to change his clothes. Kurapika sighed.

"Aren't you tired of claiming that I'm gay?" The boy said toneless.

"So you prefer that I took you as a girl? Quite understandably, you're an uke." Kuroro said as if it was one of the vital truths in humanity.

"ARGH!"

"I know, you wanted to be the seme, but I'm sorry to tell you this again. You, Kurapika, is an uke. I for one, is a seme."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Honestly, he wanted to kill the man, but, it felt like Kurapika has to save his pride not in brute force but with words.

"The seme is the one to penetrate, so he is on the top." The raven-haired man pointed to his chest, referring the seme as him. Kuroro sounded like a teacher sharing some secret information to his student. He then points to Kurapika.

"You are an uke, the receiver, the bottom." Kuroro cryptically smiled.

Kurapika blinked. He was sure Kuroro was insinuating something. For some instance, a smiling Kuroro on the edge of the bed seemed predatory and intimidating - it was not a hostage should look like. Kurapika blinked again and stepped backwards.

'If you want to win,' Kuroro stood and walked towards the blond.

Kuroro was sure Kurapika tried to suppress a shudder as the blond saw him prowling.

'You have to intimidate the opponent, 'Kuroro grinned.

-oOo-

There were birds chirping. Kurapika would swear that the tone of those birds weren't amusing as it should be. He was pissed. Well, that was an understatement, he was…upset! The blond shook his head.

He was angry. Kurapika was angry with himself, and even more furious with the ryodan, especially to Kuroro Lucifer. Curse the man for planting atrocious images in his mind! Damn the ryodan head for making him, Kurapika, the last living kuruta, feel this unwanted excitement brought by the older man's kiss – and touch. The blond shuddered.

He closed his eyes and hissed.' Relax Kurapika, 'he managed to say to himself.

It was his smile. The seductive grin plastered on a very good looking face. The blond closed his eyes as he tried to remember the raven-haired man's body. Porcelain skin, broad shoulders, chiseled arms, andhis very much envied abs. Kurapika hissed, he must not think of his enemy like this correct? Kurapika is a male, 'I am a straight guy, 'the boy managed to convince himself. Why did he have to convince himself anyway? This was entirely Kuroro's fault. He frowned again, but then it was almost few months ago. Why did the thought linger in his mind?

'Happy thoughts Kurapika, happy, happy thoughts, think of happy thoughts.' He repeated the mantra as the blond ignored Neon's screechy voice on the background.

From the window, he could see the blond boy seemingly discerning on the loft. Bashou's eyebrows furrowed and wanted to join the boy leader outside. Honestly, he was curious of Kurapika's plans, now that their boss Neon had lost her powers of clairvoyance or rather, her ability to predict the future. He stared at the boy who had his eyes closed. The figure moved farther and out of his sight, maybe Kurapika had sensed that he was being observed.

Senritsu looked at Bashou, and sympathized with what the man's heartbeat implied. She too was curious, but not about the boy's plans on the near future recession of the Nostrad family. The diminutive woman was interested to know why Kurapika's heartbeat sounded erratic. 'Confused and furious but still deadly calm,' the woman thought.

"What does our boss Neon need of me?" A cold yet calm voice interrupted Senritsu's and Bashou's inquisitive thoughts.

"Mou…let's play poker!" Neon squealed at her bodyguard.

Kurapika merely blinked, 'Happy thoughts,'the phrase echoed his mind. Neon's request had suddenly planted an image of a half-naked Kuroro inviting him to play poker. And of course, Hisoka was on the image as well. He restrained his body from quivering and refused the request to poker. Kurapika looked at Bashou and as if there was an unspoken command that the man take Kurapika's place on playing poker with Neon. The man was busy, of cleaning his nose. Yes, it seemed a very unhealthy and uncivil habit actually. To witness a man satisfyingly insert a pinky and then use it to dig in his nose. Kurapika grimaced. Until again, Kuroro flashed in his head, this time, it was a…hilarious scene. Just imagine, Kuroro Lucifer who was reading his book had out of nowhere put his finger inside his nose and dig dirt from it. The blond could visualize the ryodan head's face, brows furrowed, stretched hole of his nose, and a semi-agape mouth. Kurapika stifled a laugh, but he failed as he roared and tears shed from his eyes.

Bashou blushed. He noticed that Kurapika was laughing at him, but why? This was normal to do right, the older man wanted to ask the blond. But perhaps, the erudite blond would find this action inappropriate and funny.

Neon pouted at Kurapika, she did not find anything funny at this time at all.

Kurapika stopped and an apologetic smile replaced his laughs.

"Please go on, I must take my leave. I'm sorry."

He left his colleagues and his boss in the room. What was wrong with him? And for goodness sake, why did he always think of Kuroro?

Senritsu and Bashou gazed at Kurapika's retreating form. They were bewildered at the sudden actions the blond did. There was something wrong with him and that was what they mutually felt this day.

-oOo-

[**A/N]:** As always, random thoughts rammed in my head and I have to write it fast before the scene faded in my mind. I could sense that I will receive flames…for a…degrading version of our cool and suave Kuroro Lucifer. XD But I can't help it. XD


End file.
